Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
