so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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