you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
