Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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