Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
