Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
