There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
