Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
