I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
