Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Found the puke drawer
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
