You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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