it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
