I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
