Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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