rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So vagazzling was a success
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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