he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
