waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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