man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
