Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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