I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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