I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
