Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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