my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
