He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
