Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
