I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
