you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
