If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
