She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if only i could text you this smell
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I want is dick and wine.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
