i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
