Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
