Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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