dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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