Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
