Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
