I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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