Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
