dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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