Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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