There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
