You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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