im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
