Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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