Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
