I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
