I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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