the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
