if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
