I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
