I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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