dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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