The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
